Are These 9 "Traditional Masculine Traits" Stopping You From Getting Mental Health Support?
While men and women experience mental health issues at roughly equal rates, a recent study shows that men are 30% less likely to seek help when they need it.
This may be due in part to the traditional masculine norms that often celebrate strength, independence, and avoiding vulnerability.
Around 44% of the Australian men who have accessed therapy reported dropping out prematurely, with a total of 25% choosing to go to one singular session only.
Whilst we explore the numerous factors that went into these men choosing to conclude their involvement with formal mental health support in more detail here, it was reported that identification with "traditional masculine traits" was one of many factors in their decision to leave therapy.
There are a number of reasons why these traditional masculine norms might be preventing men from getting the help they need.
How can traditional masculine norms be problematic?
While there isn't anything inherently wrong with traditional masculine norms, when these characteristics begin to prevent men from seeking help when they need it, it might be time to question how useful and supportive these belief systems are in your life.
Masculinity is often seen through the lens of strength. It's the things that make men "men": being tough, independent, and in control. But these qualities can be taken too far or utilised in situations that aren't helpful or logical - in fact, they can end up being counter-productive.
When we're taught that men should be strong and never show weakness, it can be hard to seek out help when incredibly normal and valid everday struggles or challenges occur, including things like grief, loss and trauma.
We may not even realize we're experiencing mental health issues, or if we do we shrug them off as invalid or not important, because we're so focused on conforming to traditional ideas of masculinity. As a result, we may suffer in silence rather than reach out for the support we need.
But it's important to remember that seeking help is in fact a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to admit that we need support, curiosity and clarity to figure out what our needs are and creativity to find the right coping mechanism and tools to implement that support.
9 traits to look out for…
There are a number of traditional masculine traits that can be problematic when it comes to mental health. Here are 9 of them:
Concealing weakness
Anyone who has ever faced a difficult challenge knows that admitting weakness is not easy. However, there is strength in admitting weakness and seeking support.
Unfortunately, many men are taught from a young age to conceal their weaknesses. They are told to be "tough" and to never show any signs of vulnerability.
"Toughen up"
"Don't cry"
"Be a man"
"Big boys don't cry"
As a result, they may bottle up their emotions and refuse to seek help when they are struggling.
The more a man represses (or exiles) their normal and appropriate range of emotional responses, the harder and heavier it becomes for them to respond to situations flexibly and calmly.
It is time for society to start encouraging men to express their emotions (safely) and seek help when they need it.
Expressing your struggles is not weakness, it is in fact a show of your strength and internal fortitude.
Projecting strength
It's no secret that men are under a lot of pressure to be strong. We're told from a young age that boys don't cry, and that real men are stoic and resilient.
As a result, many men grow up believing that to be strong is to be unemotional and to never show any signs of weakness or vulnerability.
However, it is important to remember that strength comes in many forms, especially in this day and age.
It takes strength to admit that you need help.
It takes strength to ask for support.
And it takes strength to break through the barriers that stand in the way of mental wellness.
As long as men feel like they have to project an image of invincibility, they'll be less likely to seek the help they need.
But there's hope for change.
Slowly but surely, we're beginning to see more open conversations about mental health, and more efforts to destigmatize seeking help.
With any luck, this will eventually create a culture where men feel comfortable discussing their feelings and getting the support they need.
Prizing independence
Independence is a trait that is highly valued in our society. We admire those who are self-sufficient and able to take care of themselves.
However, there is a downside to this emphasis on independence.
When it comes to mental health, men are especially at risk of suffering in silence because they feel they need to be overly self-reliant.
Mental health is already a topic that is often seen as taboo at the best of times.
We need to create an environment where men feel comfortable discussing their feelings and seeking support when they need it.
However, by being more connected and open to support, men can improve their mental health and wellbeing.
Learning to be more vulnerable with family and friends, and even going to counselling or therapy can be huge steps for men who prize independence to cultivate more meaningful and safer relationships.
Avoiding emotions
It's natural to want to avoid negative emotions. After all, who wants to feel pain, sadness, or anger?
However, research has shown that avoiding emotions can actually have negative consequences for our mental health.
One study found that people who tried to suppress their emotions were more likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Another study found that people who avoided their emotions had trouble regulating them later on.
They were more likely to have difficulty recovering from a negative event and were more likely to dwell on negative thoughts.
So why does avoiding emotions backfire?
One reason may be that it takes a lot of effort to keep those emotions down. Emotional surpression or repression can be exhausting to our system, which may manifest physically or psychologically.
When we try to push our emotions away, they often come back even stronger in an attempt to be heard and not dismissed. Imagine that part of you saying, "well if you won't acknowledge me whilst I'm only mild, I'll make you acknowledge me
We also miss out on the opportunity to learn from those emotions. Our feelings can provide us with important information about ourselves and our relationships. If we don't allow ourselves to feel them, we might miss out on learning what we like, what we don't like, what we need and how we need it.
This does nothing for us and nothing for the people that rely on our communication to provide love and receive love from us.
Ignoring pain
For many men, ignoring pain is a way of life. They are taught from a young age that showing weakness is not an option, and that stoicism in the face of adversity is the mark of a real man.
This culture of silence can have far-reaching consequences, especially when it comes to mental health.
When we ignore pain, we're not just ignoring a physical sensation. We're also ignoring an important warning sign from our body.
When we're in pain, our body is telling us that something is wrong.
Ignoring that pain is like telling our body to shut up and stop trying to warn us.
As a result, we become more susceptible to mental health issues.
We may start to believe that the pain is never going to go away, which can lead to feelings of frustration, hopelessness and despair.
You (likely) wouldn't ignore the pain of a broken leg or any other physical injury. You'd find a professional, get it treated, do the rehab work and move on with your life a little more cautious about the risks of further injury and a little more appreciative of life without the ailment.
It might be time to apply the same concept to your emotional wounds. Do the work yourself, or find the right practitioner to help you heal.
Seeking status
In today's society, there is an immense pressure to seek status. Whether it is through our careers, our relationships, or our material possessions, we are constantly striving to prove our worth to the world.
However, this need for approval can have a negative impact on our mental health. When we base our self-worth on external factors, we set ourselves up for disappointment.
If we lose our job or our partner leaves us, we feel as though we have failed.
And when we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing better than us, we can't help but feel inferior.
Comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
It's important to remember that seeking status is a zero-sum game. For every winner, there must be a loser.
And the cost of this pursuit is often our mental health. Studies have shown that chasing after status can lead to anxiety, depression, and social isolation.
The truth is, nobody's life is perfect. We all go through tough times and make mistakes.
But it's important to remember that our value doesn't lie in what the world thinks of us.
We are all worthy of love and respect, no matter what.
So next time you're feeling down about yourself, take a step back and remind yourself of your intrinsic worth. You'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel.
Taking risks
It's natural to want to take risks. It's part of human nature to want to push boundaries and see what we're capable of.
But sometimes, taking risks can have negative impacts on our mental health.
When we take risks, we open ourselves up to the possibility of failure, and that can be really tough to deal with.
We might also put ourselves in danger, both physically and emotionally. And if things don't go the way we planned, we can end up feeling disappointed, frustrated, and even worthless.
So it's important to be thoughtful about the risks we take. We need to make sure that they're worth the possible rewards, and that we're prepared to deal with the consequences if things don't work out.
Taking charge
Taking charge of our lives is an essential part of adulthood. We have to learn to make decisions, handle responsibility, and deal with the consequences of our choices.
But sometimes, the weight of all that responsibility can be too much to bear. When we're constantly juggling work and family obligations, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.
And when we're constantly worrying about the future, it's easy to forget to live in the present.
Over time, this can take a toll on our mental health. We may start to feel anxious or depressed, and our relationships may suffer.
Avoiding being viewed as feminine
It's no secret that society has long held certain preconceptions about what it means to be a man.
For generations, men have been told that they need to be strong, stoic, and emotionless in order to be considered truly masculine.
As a result, many men feel enormous pressure to conform to these narrow gender norms.
Feminity is typically associated with qualities like kindness, empathy, and sensitivity, which asks of men to go against the cultural teachings and expectations that they may have lived with for years or decades.
When people avoid being seen as feminine, they often cut themselves off from an important part of their identity.
This can lead to feelings of internal and external loneliness, isolation, and anxiety.
Conclusion
We hope this list has given you a better understanding of the traditional masculine traits and how they can often lead to negative mental health outcomes.
It's important to remember that there is no one "right" way to be a man and I would caution any person to be wary of anyone who professes such a black and white, concrete way of thinking.
It's not that what these people say is inherently wrong (it might be very helpful for some), it's simply in the risks that come along with solidifying a hegemonic "right" way to live.
As yourself the question: Who gets to determine what's right for you? And if you're answer is anyone other than YOU, than it's definitely time to unpack why you believe others (including society) get to have that power of your the wellbeing of your life.
Masculinity doesn't have to mean toughness, aggression, and invincibility. It doesn't have to be mean ANYTHING.
I just want you to know that there are so many different ways to be strong, and so many different ways to be a man. You don't have to prescribe to any one elses rules when it comes to whatever is best for you.