What's Really Going On? Understanding the Root of Male Stress and Frustration
Ever notice how the smallest thing can set you off?
Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic, or your boss asks you to do something last minute, and suddenly, you're more irritable than you should be.
Sound familiar? You aren’t on your own bro.
And it's not just a case of "having a bad day."
Typically, there’s often something much deeper going on.
Here's a hard fact: Most of our behaviours, especially the ones that lead to stress, frustration, or anger, aren’t random.
They’re usually tied to something more—like a need that isn’t being met.
It’s easy to ignore these needs and put it down to stress or fatigue, but the more we ignore it, the worse it gets.
Think of it like your phone running low on battery.
When it's on 10%, it slows down, apps start crashing, and eventually, it just won’t work right.
Now think of your own emotional “battery.”
When you're running low, you’re not at your best either.
And just like your phone, you need to charge up again.
So, what’s draining your emotional battery?
It’s About What’s Happening Inside
Here’s the deal: when you snap at your kids, argue with your partner, or spend hours mindlessly scrolling on instagram or tiktok, it’s usually because of an unmet need.
Maybe it’s the stress at work that’s left you feeling unappreciated.
Maybe it’s feeling unheard at home.
Or maybe you're just plain exhausted.
These feelings don’t just pop up randomly.
They’re signals that something deeper is going on.
And this is where the real work begins.
Counselling Isn’t Just About Talking
Counselling isn’t just about venting or sharing your life story.
It’s about helping you figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.
It's about uncovering those unmet needs that lead to those unexplained moments of frustration or feeling “off” without really knowing why.
It’s like lifting the hood of your car.
You might not be a mechanic, but you know something’s not right.
With counselling, you get to figure out exactly what’s going on, so you can work with it—because ignoring it isn’t an option if you want to function at your best.
How to Spot What’s Really Going On
If you’ve ever found yourself reacting more intensely than you should—losing your temper, withdrawing, or feeling constantly overwhelmed—it’s time to pause and go inside.
When you catch these moments, it’s a sign that your emotional capacity is low and something deeper needs addressing.
Here are some actionable steps to help you start identifying the root cause of your stress:
1. Check Your Mood:
When you're feeling irritable or upset, take a step back. Ask yourself, “What’s really going on here?” Is it really the traffic, or is it something else that’s bothering you?
2. Look for Patterns:
Pay attention to when these feelings come up. Are they linked to specific situations, like work stress, financial worries, or issues at home? Recognising patterns helps identify where your unmet needs are lurking.
3. Get Curious, Not Judgmental:
Instead of beating yourself up for feeling this way, get curious. Ask yourself, “What’s making me feel like this? What’s really behind this frustration?”
4. Take Action:
Once you identify the root cause, it's time to do something about it. Whether it’s having a difficult conversation with a partner or setting boundaries at work, the goal is to address the unmet need rather than ignore it.
Quick Fixes for When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed
Here’s where things get practical.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or irritable and need quick strategies to ease those moments, these can help:
1. Breathe First, React Later:
It sounds simple, but it’s effective. When you feel yourself getting worked up, take a deep breath. Give yourself a moment. Sometimes, a few seconds is all you need to respond calmly rather than react impulsively.
2. Move Your Body:
When you’re stressed, your body holds onto that tension. Whether it’s a quick walk around the block, a workout, or even just stretching, movement helps release built-up stress and clears your mind.
3. Talk It Out:
Sometimes, the best way to clear your mind is by talking things out with someone you trust. Whether it’s a mate, your partner, or a professional counsellor, speaking about what’s bothering you can make a huge difference. Holding it in will only add to the pressure.
4. Prioritise Rest:
Don’t underestimate the power of rest. Proper sleep and downtime aren’t optional—they’re essential. When you're burnt out, you're more likely to snap or withdraw. Getting enough rest helps you recharge, just like your phone needs to be plugged in.
5. Reflect on What’s Really Bothering You:
Take a moment to identify what’s really going on. Is it about the situation, or is it about something bigger, like a lack of recognition at work or not feeling supported at home?
The Bigger Picture: Why Meeting Your Needs Matters
Here’s the kicker: when you address these unmet needs, you're not just doing it for yourself.
You’re also showing up better for those around you.
Think about the last time you were stressed or frustrated—how did it impact your relationships with your partner, kids, or friends?
When your emotional “battery” is running low, it’s not just you who suffers.
The people around you do too.
But when you’re recharged, you can be more present, patient, and playful with the ones you care about.
This isn't about being perfect.
It’s about recognising when you’re running on empty and knowing how to refill your emotional tank.
Counselling can help with this.
At Strong Space Counselling, we specialise in helping men work through these issues, identifying what’s really going on beneath the surface and providing practical strategies to address those unmet needs.
It's about more than just “getting by”—it’s about creating the life you want and deserve.
4 Takeaway Tips for Moving Forward
Listen to Your Reactions: Your emotions aren’t random. They’re signals. The next time you’re feeling off, take a moment to figure out what unmet need might be driving that feeling.
Make Time for Rest: Rest isn’t laziness. It’s essential for recharging your emotional and mental energy.
Talk to Someone: Whether it's a trusted friend or a professional, talking things out can help you gain clarity and insight into what’s really bothering you.
Get Moving: Regular physical activity is a great way to release tension and stress. Even a short walk can make a big difference when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve made it this far, you're already on the right track.
You’re asking the right questions and recognising that your feelings are trying to tell you something.
The next step is to address those unmet needs, rather than ignoring them or pushing them aside.
At Strong Space Counselling, we’re here to help you with that process.
Sometimes, it’s hard to know where to start.
But with a little curiosity, patience, and support, you can get back to feeling like yourself again—and show up better for the people around you.
So, if you're feeling off, don’t brush it aside.
Instead, ask yourself: What’s really happening here?
Your future self (and those around you) will thank you for it.