Why So Many Men Feel Disconnected—And How to Change It

Men are feeling more disconnected than ever.

Disconnected from themselves, from their emotions, and, in turn, from those closest to them.

We see this disconnection all the time showing up as frustration, emotional numbness, and shutting down when things get too overwhelming or confusing.

And it’s no small thing.

Every day, seven Australian men die by suicide.

This isn’t just a statistic, it’s a wake-up call.

A call to action.

Why? Because the script we've been handed on how to "be a man" is failing us.

Men are told to handle things on their own, to toughen up and power through.

But what happens when the load becomes too heavy?

When the pressure of silence builds up, and there's no release valve?

The reality is, men are missing one critical element: connection.

And here’s the kicker: this isn’t about fixing something “broken” inside.

It’s about reconnecting with parts of ourselves that have been buried, sidelined, or ignored.

These parts are there for a reason, but we need to approach them with a little more curiosity and a bit more compassion.

Why Connection Matters

At Strong Space Counselling, we believe connection is everything.

It’s the key to understanding and working with the different parts of ourselves that shape how we show up in the world.

Feeling angry or shutting down when emotions run high?

That’s not “who you are”.

It’s just a part of you, and it’s doing its best to protect you in the only way it knows how.

But without clarity, that part can end up running the show in ways that don’t serve you anymore.

Think about it this way: your emotional responses (for example anger, avoidance, or feeling totally overwhelmed) are all valid reactions to the situations you’ve faced.

They’re not “bad” or “broken,” they’re just misunderstood.

And most men have never been taught how to truly understand themselves and navigate their inner world with patience, presence, and even playfulness (yes, seriously!).

What if you could begin to recognise these different parts of yourself and, instead of trying to fight them or push them away, start listening to them instead?

This is where true connection starts.

With yourself.

And then with others.

It’s about learning to engage the protective parts of you (the ones that react with anger, silence, or self-medication) and offering them compassion and support instead of shame.

The Power of Self-Connection: 3 Essential Shifts

To get to the heart of what’s going on, you’ve got to start making some key shifts.

These shifts aren’t about “toughing it out” or pushing through the pain.

It’s about doing something that might be radically different to what you’re used to: getting curious about what’s going on inside.

Here’s how:

Curiosity over Control:
Men often feel the need to control their emotions.
When we feel something uncomfortable (sadness, fear, anxiety) our first instinct is to either shut it down or fix it fast.
But what if you approached those feelings with curiosity instead?
What if, instead of thinking “I need to get rid of this,” you asked, “What’s this feeling trying to tell me?”
That’s where connection starts: with curiosity.
It's the first step in building a healthier relationship with the parts of yourself that are speaking up.

Compassion over Criticism:
Ever felt like you should have “handled things better” or been “stronger”?
You’re not alone.
But beating yourself up for struggling only deepens the disconnecting feelings of guilt and shame.
Try compassion instead.
Acknowledge that the part of you that feels overwhelmed is trying to protect you and that it just doesn’t have the right tools yet.
When you offer yourself a bit of grace, it opens up the space you’ll need to actually address what’s going on beneath the surface.
Clarity over Chaos:
Emotions can feel chaotic, like a mess that needs to be sorted out.
But clarity comes when you start to understand that your feelings (even the uncomfortable ones) are messengers.
They’re there to guide you, not derail you.
When you pause and create space for these emotions, you begin to untangle them.
You start to see clearly what’s driving your reactions.
From that place of clarity, you can begin to make intentional choices rather than reactive ones.

The Trap of “Doing It Alone”

One of the most harmful myths men live by is the belief that they need to figure it all out on their own.

Whether it's through silence, avoidance, or numbing, so many men try to muscle their way through emotional pain.

But let’s get real for a second: doing it alone likely isn’t working in the same way anymore.

It only serves to leave you more disconnected and isolated.

Connection isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

And connection starts with yourself.

Learning to be with your emotions, even when they’re uncomfortable, is a game-changer.

But you don’t have to do it alone (nor would I recommend you do so).

Finding community (whether it’s with mates, a counsellor, or a men’s group) helps you see that you’re not the only one who feels like this.

There’s real power in knowing you’re not alone.

Practical Steps for Reconnecting with Yourself

Here’s the good news: You can start reconnecting with yourself, right now.

These are small, manageable steps that build your ability to handle emotions with more ease and confidence.

Pause
When emotions hit hard, take a breath. Don’t rush to fix, avoid, or react. Just pause. This creates space for you to notice what’s happening inside.
Get Curious
Ask yourself: What’s going on for me right now? Listen for what that part of you might be trying to say, without judgement.
Check in with Your Body
Emotions live in the body, not just the mind. Are you clenching your fists? Feeling tight in your chest? Notice what’s going on physically, and give yourself a moment to acknowledge it.
Share with a Safe Person
Whether it’s a close friend, partner, or therapist, start practising vulnerability in small ways. It’s like a muscle, the more you do it, the stronger it gets.